I’m a bad Blog host. I show up, rant for days, and then disappear into the fray. I’m working on that – the last few weeks I’ve been keeping a lot to myself.

About a year ago someone said, “I don’t think people follow your blog as closely as you think they do.” It halted me in my tracks. I write for me, to be sure, but suddenly, I didn’t have a voice; in my mind, I didn’t have anything to say that people would want to read.

So, I retreated – I stopped working for myself and lost that feeling that I was the Captain, the guy who took charge and led the way. And for eight months, I had some really good times and some really bad times. I was doing good work, but I wasn’t making a difference and my confidence wasn’t coming back.

There’s a scene – and this will seem silly to you non-Trekkies out there – in Star Trek: Generations where Captain Kirk and Captain Picard meet. I’ve included it below; it’s something I think about every day.

Show transcript

Kirk: Maybe it’s about that empty chair on the bridge of the Enterprise. Ever since I left Starfleet, I haven’t made a difference. Captain of the Enterprise, eh?
Picard: That’s right.
Kirk: Close to retirement?
Picard: I’m not planning on it.
Kirk: Let me tell you something – don’t. Don’t let them promote you. Don’t let them transfer you. Don’t let them do anything that takes you off the bridge of that ship, because while you’re there, you can make a difference.

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I eventually realized that I don’t work well while standing in someone else’s shadow. My confidence wouldn’t come back because I’d done good work – I had to get my hands dirty and make things happen for myself. I decided that I’d quit that job on Xmas day – and did.

The last two months have been intensely introspective. I started to rebuild my confidence and sense of leadership, and started looking toward the future. I became The Geek Superhero – and did everything I could to live up to that title. I re-built my business; started right. Fixing a lot of the mistakes I made along the way last time. Built up a client base to provide a tight, but livable income.

A lot of the projects I put on hold for the last year are on my mind along with some new ones. The Digital Gunslingers. PodCamp Fort Collins 2. CareerCamp. Psychotic Resumes… TEDxFoCo.

I can’t do it alone, but I’m confident that I can lead the way. It’s time to make a difference – and I’ll stand with you if you feel the same way.

(Header photo: Untitled by tnarik)